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04/05/2005: "Spokane: Ugly and Humorless"

So, the Spokane paper got (down)wind of a little skirmish going on between the new owners of our former house and us. The pinhead who bought it decided to welch on the deal we had, so, in an act of therapy, we re-worked the website into a work of art.

A constitutionally-protected work of art.

Real, live First Amendment stuff. ("You can't hide behind that!", he retorted when I explained that it was a self-parody, and that we weren't using it for commercial gain, so he could go pound sand.)

Someone bitched (any guesses?), and the paper investigated, then wrote the obvious story.

Due to the cost-wall, I've not read the whole story. The Spokesman is one of the few newspapers in this nation to charge for access to its website. I've actually heard is the largest newspaper in the nation to do so. This is unsuprising, since Spokane is full of cost-walls. As an example, Spokane also one of the few cities (and the largest of the set) to charge for access to its downtown WiFi network.

Spokane deplores its own citizenry, and their businesses. Doing business in Spokane is an entirely greed-driven proposition. Everyone has their hand out, and co-operation is a rare find. You must scrape for every bit of leverage, and bribes are required everywhere. I'm not saying that there aren't good people in Spokane. There are, we met a few, and I'm sure there are others.

The people who inhabit spokane react with fear and loathing to anyone, and anything from "outside". You are not welcome here. This probably is the result of a deep self-loathing. People living in Spokane know they are trapped in a town that will grind them to paste. Many who try to leave come back, because they no longer feel comfortable in a world without boundries and the gentle touch of their master's whip, even if their masters no longer care for their well-being.

The city just cut 20% of the local fire department last December. Spokane's firefigers are blogging back, but in the meantime, things got worse for Spokane's citizens. Meanwhile the same city council approved $24 million to expand its (mostly empty) convention center.

Hmm, fewer firemen, bigger buildings. Fewer firemen, bigger buildings. A ticking timebomb if you ask me. Spokane once burned to ash because the city fathers didn't think that a fire department was necessary.

The Spokane PD is already so over-run with violent crime that its ability to investigate property crime is almost absent. Burglary, larceny and theft (including motor vehicle theft) is at or above 200% of the national average. These crime rates are higher because Spokane's criminal element knows that there is a good chance they'll get away with it. The cops are too buy with Spokane's high murder, rape and assult crime rates.

Well, we're getting the obvious hate mail now. Turns out we're not alone in the Citizens of Spokane have little humor department. Same issue of the same paper, even. I'll bet the paper doesn't publish an explaination for us though. Hell, polite requests for a copy of the article have been silently ignored by the reporter.

Fuck 'em, I say. Fuck all the apes in that racist, whore-ridden, noxious shit-stain of a town. Fuck them all with a very sharp stick, and an aluminum baseball bat to the head.