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01/22/2005: "Spokane, now better than Fort Wayne, IN!"

Men's Health, in its most recent issue, ranked 101 top cities in terms of, among other things, the percentage of resident college grads, SAT scores and the number of universities. They say Spokane isn't the dumbest apple in the bucket — that honor goes to Fort Wayne, Ind., home of former VP Dan Quayle — but with Spokane in 32nd place, they see room for improvement.

Talk about damning with faint praise.

Honolulu took 7th. Austin took 4th. I'm here to tell you that either is far and away better than anything that Spokane, WA has to offer. Hell, even Las Vegas is ranked above "SPO", though barely. And as a reminder, Las Vegas has recently been described as, "a pathological hypertrophic suburbanoid anomaly in the middle of a desert wasteland, analogous to a deadly tumor growing in a remote part of a person's body, say the colon." James is well-acquainted with Spokane, "Morocco is about as far away from Israel as Spokane is from Wall Street. "

Hell, Spokane can't even get drinking water right. Spokane was also ranked highly "toxic". No really, its fucking deadly. And recently its gotten even worse. In Spokane, its drink shit and die!, because not only are you drinking water, sewage, PCBs, lead, arsenic, zinc, and cadmium, and now with diesel fuel! (and 200,000 gallons of shit).

And speaking of water, you'll be arrested if you get too close to the Spokane River and you're holding a life jacket. (Jesus, with all that shit in the water, you're either dead anyway, or you'll be walking on he water.)

Citation: Listing 10.19.010 Swimming in River.

A. No person may intentionally enter, swim, dive, or float, with or without a boat, raft, craft, or other flotation device, in or upon the water of the Spokane River at any point between the east line of the Division Street bridge and the west line of the Monroe Street Bridge.

[...]

C. The fact that a person is wearing or in possession of swimming, diving, or flotation gear or equipment on the bank of the river in the prohibited portion is sufficient ground for an arrest for attempt under this section and shall be prima facie evidence of intent.

(Ord. C-29692)

Want to understand Spokane? Read this. This could describe the miindset of a large majority of the citizenry.

Its now been 30 years since the wave crested around Expo 74. People there continue to wistfully hope for some new economic miracle to pull them out of the pit.. Seattle got Microsoft, and Boeing, and 10,000 other things, while Spokane is caught in the swirling toilet water. Spokane has been ranked quite low for "business climate", (Austin was #1), as reported by our friend, Tom Sowa. But hey, its "climbing", and you can always play 'kick the can' with your neighbor, even if he is a registered sex offender. Why are you home kicking the can? You're likely unemployed. Spokane admits to a greater than 5% unemployment rate. (see also).

Ah Spokane, where the cops have abandoned the doughnut shop, and can be found at the local strip joint, ruler in-hand. Apparently the cops in Spokane don't have any meth labs to bust, or psychopaths tocatch.

Robert Lee Yates, jr. killed 16 prostitutes, then fucked their lifeless bodies, all in Spokane. He was an Army Reserver Helicopter Pilot, and Spokane native. Martin Lee Sanders, a long-haul trucker from Spokane, raped and killed four teenagers. Stanley Bernson, a produce salesman from Spokane, suspected of killing thirty women, including a 15-year-old girl.

Washington State is nearly famous for its list of famous serial kilers(PDF), or here, like Ted Bundy. Imagine living with a constany supply of Jack-the-Ripper wannabes.

Spokane is, quite simply, too many white, uptight, racist Catholics, in a low-brow, shit-stained, crime-ridden town.